Less Talk, More Rock

I sat in the lawn at a concert waiting for it to begin. This tour was two main headliners, an opening act that switched half way through the tour, and a last minute addition. The last minute addition (not a bad band name now that I think about it) was an up and coming band. I had heard one of their songs before.

As they played their set they found it appropriate to talk in between each song, longer than the duration of the song itself. When no one responded, cheered, or clapped they would throw out the phrase, “Are you looking forward to ‘headliner’ band!” To which people would then cheer.

In college my friend Cesar Cordero would throw out the phrase, “Less talk, more rock” to bands that had diarrhea of the mouth. Our band included. We talked way too much.

The next band played their set. The only time they said anything was in between song two and three to say their name. They had a tight sound, great stage presence, fluid transitions, and an overall good performance. Part of the reason in my mind is they didn’t annoy us with banal banter.

For me, when I go to a concert I didn’t pay to listen to a speech. I paid to listen to you play and sing. If I wanted to hear a speech I would find one that I actually felt smarter after listening to it. I feel like I should get a partial refund every time an artist speaks during their set. When I bought your record I didn’t hear you talk on it. Please don’t do it when I pay to see your music live.

     I’m not saying they don’t have a right to speak. I’m just saying that at a concert the time is limited and I want to hear the maximum amount of music as possible. If you have something to say, talk after the concert is over or write a book where an editor can help you. You can even blog if you want, but every time you stop your show to speak you kill the momentum in your concert.

Let your music speak to me, let it move me; let it speak to me far more than plan speech itself. Music and lyrics can go further than a spoken word at times. Use that to your advantage.

In life I feel it is best to decide when to speak and when to listen. People feel at times I’m too quiet, but I would rather speak when necessary. I’ve learned a lot about people and situations by listening and not speaking.

All and all, rock on.

Just Do It

     Growing up, the shoe company Nike had the promotional line, “Just Do It”. I always knew what it implied, but it wasn’t until I was older that I understood it.

I am a very independent person and seldom think about other people. This is something I continually have to work on. When Stephanie and I first got married our first few months were rough for the fact that I couldn’t figure out that two really do become one. I never realized how great our relationship could be until I learned that I should love her better than I loved myself. Even after those first few months I would go through cycles of forgetting and remembering that virtue. In those times of forgetfulness I realized that I was saying I should do that, but not doing it.

I challenge you to out love each other in your relationship. If you truly do this for no reason other than pure love, you will be happier than you could have hoped and dreamed. If you do this because you expect things in return you will be fighting a losing battle. There is no score in love; there is no end goal, except to love your neighbor as yourself.

In life it is very easy to complain about something when we aren’t involved.

It’s much easier to sit on the sidelines and in the bleachers of life, telling someone how that play should have been made. Far easier than it is to strap on the pads and slug it out on the field of life. I believe you will find life more fulfilling if you get involved.

Get involved in your local church and in your local community.

       A group to get involved in is the One Campaign (one.org). They are out there to fight extreme poverty and preventable disease in the world. Life isn’t a privilege and neither is health. It is a right and we must do whatever we can to help those in need.

     Another group I think of would be Convoy of Hope (convoyofhope.com). They are feeding thousands of children and people a day. They are helping in disasters and they partner with the local church across the country in outreaches for those in need.

     Mother Teresa said, ”If you can’t feed a hundred people, than feed one.” Don’t let life just float on by. Make a difference. Make a difference in your family, in your community, in your church, in your business, in all areas of your life. It wasn’t until I started trying to live for other people and other things that I have felt the most fulfilled and a true joy in my life.

       Don’t get me wrong; I don’t have it figured out and I’m not perfect. I’m not even good about doing it all the time. But we all have to start somewhere. It says in the Bible we must die to self before we can truly live.

     Here’s the challenge. It’s easy to say it and agree with it. I challenge you to actually do it.

I challenge myself to not just say it, but to just do it.

Becoming a Parent

     Becoming a parent is one thing that could not have been appropriately described to me. As a parent, I know I would not be able to describe it, but I will share some random thoughts on it.

     There are some things that can be described. For example, having a cavity filled by a bad dentist is like someone sticking a nail in your mouth and hammering it into your gums. There was one visit where I could smell my tooth burning from the drill. I courteously asked if he was starting a fire in my mouth to roast marshmallows. Only problem was he had his fingers in my mouth so it came out as, ”Ah ou aring a ir n i ouh oo oas ashellos”. He smiled with his eyebrows while I cursed with my mind and crushed the armrests in my hands to ease the pain. I know, nothing like the act of childbirth, but nonetheless, not enjoyable.

       I was never been great with kids until they could get to the age of telling me what they wanted or what was wrong. I could never figure out what was going on. With my cleanliness and orderly issues I didn’t enjoy the barf, spit up, diaper leaks (can they still not solve that?), and everything else that came out of the kid.

     Stephanie still tells people about the time some friends of ours handed me their newborn and I looked beyond awkward holding him. Or the time someone asked if I wanted to hold the baby and I politely declined. By politely declined I probably responded with, “I’m good. You look like a pro.”

       When the day came that they handed my sweet little daughter to me I couldn’t let go. I’ve never had that true sense where I would die or kill for someone, outside of my wife, until that little girl was handed to me. We had the best doctor who was a true gentleman and scholar. When little Frankie Jane was crying in the delivery room he said to me, “That sound will cost you thousands of dollars, Dad.” He’s right.

     The amount of joy and love that I feel for that little girl is unmatched, except to my wife. I was hooked as soon as those beautiful blue eyes looked into mine. I can’t stop holding her, being with her, watching her, talking to her, listening to her, or experiencing every moment with her. I love the times when she would take naps on me. Or recently when we played for hours while Stephanie was at a baby shower for a couple we work with.

As I was holding Frankie in the hospital there was a realization that I never had before that moment. I was able to sense in the smallest degree the pain and sorrow God must have felt in sending his son to die for humanity. I could never adequately understand the hurt and sacrifice until I held my own child in my arms.

     Becoming a parent is the best thing that can happen to you. Don’t take that responsibility lightly, but live every moment of it to the fullest.

Criticism

     Anyone and everyone will critique what I do. Isn’t that true for everyone though? What you wear, what you say, what you do, how you do it, what color you do it in. You get the point.

     Wednesday night services are mixed differently than a Sunday morning or evening. It’s a little quieter, a little more subdued in treatment, more vocal heavy, and less electric guitar and drum driven.

     I’m not exempt from an off night, weekend, week, or month. Okay, that is excessive. An off night or service can definitely happen though. The hard situation is when I get critiqued while I thought it was a decent night.

           It was a dark and cold night. Well a dark night because what night isn’t dark and it won’t be cold during a service for very long. After mixing what I thought was a decent evening I was assaulted on my way out of the booth. The culprits were two older women. The mix isn’t necessarily catered to one group, but if you are over forty it will start to be further than what you crave. You might be too mature for what is offered. They proceeded to tell me that it seemed as if someone training must have been mixing. I asked what they were unhappy with, to which they responded, it was just an off night.

     That’s like saying I didn’t like that movie, you ask me why, and all I say is “I just didn’t enjoy it”. Lame. Think about it. Don’t just pass by the moment. Decide who you are, what you like or don’t like, and why you like or don’t like it.

            After the Twisted Sisters were done harassing me about my mix in training I continued on down the aisle. To my disbelief I had a husband and wife approach and tell me that it sounded amazing in service, and continued to explain why.

     Once this happened I was dumbfounded. How can one person so passionately hate the mix and another person love the mix in the same experience? Then I realized it was all about preference. It was subjectivism and not objectivism.

     I called a friend for counsel instead of opinion. He split it up the middle like myself. Wasn’t the best, wasn’t the worst, it was just plain good.

            I’ve found that with criticism I take it for what it is. I always listen, but then decide if I agree, which helps when it is clearly explained. I try not to get defensive; I don’t hold anything I do as perfect or right. I’m open to advice and suggestion, but non-solution oriented criticism I hold at arms length.

     There is a saying: those who can’t, teach. I’ve added to it: those who can’t, critique.

If I write a song, I’m going to care more about what Chris Martin and Bono think than I’m going to care about some beat writer in a magazine or unknown blogger. And yes, I’m an unknown blogger, which is why I’m not using this to review music, movies, and books.

     There is a difference when you are being paid to do work. That’s not criticism, but expectation. Each year the White House hires an artist to design the Christmas card they send out. (Stephanie has said that I have to add that the only reason I know this is from watching “A White House Christmas” on the HGTV app for the iPhone. And I enjoyed it.) Although that artist will make what they want, they still have to have the concept and final piece approved by the First Lady. POTUS and FLOTUS will and have asked for changes before they accept the final card.

Although mixing and production work is art (this topic is a different blog), it is atypically a service role. I’m here to facilitate what is desired from those paying me. I have the ability to voice an opinion, but if it isn’t their preference I move on and do as told. If they can’t decide what they don’t like, I have to figure that out for them. That’s why I’m paid. If I don’t agree, it doesn’t matter.

I've also had to dissect work criticism from personal criticism. When something work related is critiqued I used to take it very personally. I had to learn on my own that they were criticizing the product, not the person. I will not be defined by what I do. I will be defined by who I am. Once I let go of this, it made my work so much more enjoyable.

Frankie and the Nature Center

     I grew up in Chicago, IL. To be more specific, I grew up in Mount Prospect, IL. It is a northwest suburb of Chicago about 30 minutes outside of the city. I loved going downtown, I loved working downtown, and I feel more at home in the city than any other place. You can drive for 10 minutes and have driven through 5 suburbs.

     After college I took a job in Springfield, MO. I always claimed that I would never live in Missouri. Like any arrogant urbanite I called it “misery”.

       It took a little while, but I learned from my ignorance and enjoy the culture and lifestyle of the south. I realize this isn’t the Deep South, but this is the south nonetheless.

One of the things I learned to appreciate is the outdoors. I love the outdoors of the city, but hadn’t been a true fan of the wooded outdoors. I’m not a fan of insects that are mutated into aliens, poison ivy, or anything of the sort. I found out once leaving the smog that I am allergic to clean air. I have severe allergies in Missouri, which makes it unpleasant at times.

            Recently Stephanie and I have gone to the Nature Center to walk with Frankie on my days off. The nature center is a woodsy conservation area with walking trails.

     Stephanie has said that she prayed God would use Frankie, even as a baby. That prayer became evident to me at the Nature Center.

     Frankie has been measured above the 97 percentile at her doctor’s visits. At the nature center I carry her in a baby Bjorn. Three miles with a 25-pound bowling ball strapped to your stomach is pretty tiring. Yes, I’m sure those in the military have carried more for longer. Yes, I’m sure you, in whatever you do, have as well. Congratulations.

       As we walk around the trail Frankie faces out so she can look around. Anytime someone comes near she kicks her legs, flails her arms, squeals, smiles, and claps her hands. It doesn’t matter if people were in intense conversation or having a bad day, after that interaction everyone would smile, laugh, and comment about how adorable she is. Which she is.

     This proved that Frankie is her mother’s daughter as she is far more personable than myself. But then I thought what could I do that in every interaction people are encouraged and blessed. There is a saying that we should leave people better than they were when we met them. Plato says, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.“

This is something I am not good at. As I typed that a choir of people just said "amen". I’m not proud of this, nor is it something I enjoy. In the journey of life if you aren’t continually checking what can be improved in yourself you head towards decay. Decay equals death.

In all you do be encouraged and blessed.

Clapping at Eight Months

            My daughter is almost 9 months old. She was born July 9, 2010. We named her Frankie Jane, which means Freedom/Free Man and Jehovah has been Gracious/God is Gracious. She is a tremendous joy for us.

     No one could have described what it is like to be a parent. Before Frankie was born we had been trying for three years.

We had a miscarriage in August of 2009. Walrus, that is what I had named the baby, was due March 6, 2010. That is the same day of my Grandpa Maddox’s birthday (He passed away when I was three). A miscarriage is another experience that could not have been described or explained to me. A miscarriage is something that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Especially since we are to love our enemies according to Jesus in the books of Matthew and Luke.

Being a dad of a little girl is indescribably the best experience of my life. Don’t get me wrong; I would have had a blast with a boy. But there is something special about a little girl looking at you, as you get wrapped tighter and tighter around her little finger.

One of the best experiences, so far, came at eight months. Around eight months is when Frankie started clapping. You should know that we live in a pretty mild and quiet house. We don’t yell, scream, or do things too loudly. I also can’t necessarily think of any time that I would clap at the house. I’m sure Frankie has seen people clap, but seeing her clap and the joy she expresses is one of the most surreal experiences that I never attempted to teach her.

The best is when I come home and she is sitting in her high chair because it’s dinnertime. The excitement and happiness when I walk through the door could launch me to the moon. I can’t remember a time that I’ve walked into a room and people have clapped just because I entered their presence. But that little girl lights up like a firecracker on a Chinese New Year.

Deep down I always wonder what she is so excited about, and how I can have that same happiness. To be able to find joy in the smallest thing is something that I wish I were able to hold onto, instead of the jaded lifestyle I became.

Have you ever met those people who just love life? I know I have. Before I used to think something was wrong with them. Now I realize that I was jealous of them. But to me happiness and life are what we make of them. I don’t care what has or has not happened.

The time that I remember most is when I was in the closet taking off my shoes and getting comfortable after work. She was sitting on the bed watching me and started clapping because I looked at her. At that point, and many times before, is when I decided all things would be provided for the rest of her life.  College, car, you name it kid.

Love,

Your Dad